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SanaYuki Challenge 18: "Say ahh..." 
2nd-Feb-2005 08:41 pm
Title: An Exercise in the Culinary Arts
Author: Penguin
Pairing: Sanada x Yukimura
Fandom: Tenipuri
Theme: 18: 「アーン?」 "Say ahh..."
Disclaimer: Tenipuri and all its affiliated hotasses belong to the not-late, rather great Takeshi Konomi-sensei.

Cooking class was, at best, a severely dangerous experience.

"Hey, what'll happen if I add this to--"

Sanada Genichirou had accepted this fact after three years of its very painful reinforcement. The best way to get through the ninety-minute period with any shreds of sanity left was to keep to his own business, he'd reasoned. Thus, he left Marui and Niou to their own devices in dealing with their latest culinary menace and focused his attention to making little frosting flowers on his cookies.

Marui and Niou were easily the main cause of the gray hairs Sanada had gotten over his stint in the cooking world. Over their partnership of the last three years, they'd managed to burn, explode, mutilate beyond recognition, and-or spike with alcohol anything and everything that they touched. It was a talent all their own. The teacher didn't bother to split them up--the idea was to concentrate the destruction in one area to make the cleaning easier.

It didn't help much, really.

"...it's wiggling. Is it supposed to wiggle?"

Sanada's eyebrow twitched. His palms itched. His mouth ached for the feeling of a "tarundoru" on his tongue. Instead, he got a cookie pressed to his lips.

"Chocolate chip. It's good for you--it makes your brain release endorphins to boost your mood," Yukimura explained sweetly. "Say 'ahh'..."

Sanada's other eyebrow twitched. The other cause of his gray hairs was smiling at him as if there wasn't a sentient being arising from his wayward teammates' cookie dough. Sanada and Yukimura had been cooking partners ("Baking buddies," as Yukimura described it) ever since first year, when the Sanada had taken it upon himself to protect Yukimura from the wiles of the kitchen world.
Yukimura, for all of his many and varied talents, was nearly as bad as Marui and Niou in all matters culinary. Except without the penchant for explosions. Over their partnership of the last three years, Yukimura had managed to burn, cut, and drop things on nearly every part of his body, and had made Sanada have mild heart attacks on each separate occasion.

"Don't worry, I think it's friendly!"

"How the hell do you know? Do you speak Cookie-Beast?"

One particular incident stood out in Sanada's mind: it was second year, and the class had been commissioned to create a full French meal for their final project. Sanada had been particularly suspicious of French foods ever since a childhood brush with escargot, and rooted himself next to Yukimura to guard him from a similar fate.
Yukimura had managed to avoid the snails, but made up for it by slipping while cutting the chicken for the main dish--giving himself a nasty, deep gash from the curve of his thumb to the base of his wrist.

It probably wasn't necessary to carry Yukimura to the nurse's office, but Sanada wasn't one to take chances.

"Thanks," Yukimura had said, his hand wrapped in gauze. "I'm sorry to cause you all so much grief."

"It's no trouble," Sanada had said, quietly. "Does it hurt?"

Dumb question, Sanada reflected. Generally, knives hurt. Still, Yukimura had just smiled and said,

"No, not terribly. It's on my left, so I can still hold a racquet. Tell everyone that I can get to practice tonight."

Sanada was torn between fanboying over his friend's devotion and pleading with him not to put his health in danger. The protective urges won rather handily.

"Yukimura, I'll talk to the captain for you--you shouldn't push yourself. If you opened your wound up again, you might have to deal with infections, and I won't have you putting yourself in more--"

He'd felt Yukimura's hand on his, then. He'd looked up; Yukimura was smiling. Yukimura leaned close, he'd felt his face begin to burn, he'd felt Yukimura's breath on his cheek--

"Genichirou," Yukimura whispered. "You have flour on your nose."

Sanada blinked, then flushed. Yukimura plucked a handkerchief out of his pocket, wet it with his tongue, and scrubbed at Sanada's face. After a moment, he pulled back for inspection. Smiling, he pecked a kiss onto Sanada's nose.

"Much better. Get back to class before Bunta and Masaharu create an army of radioactive pastry balls."

The pleasant memories were rudely interrupted by the loud cheers of Marui and Niou themselves.

"Hey, Yukimura!" yelled Marui. "We trained it to do a backflip! Can it be our mascot?"

"I thought Aka-chan was our mascot," Niou said, tickling their creation under its chin.

Marui considered this, then snapped his fingers. "We could make them fight for the title. We'd make a fortune on the bets alone!"

Yukimura smiled indulgently. "If you two can train it to sing the school anthem, I'd be happy to size it up for the mascot costume."

"Akaya can't do the anthem. Our child has a distinct advantage, wouldn't you say?" Niou said, proudly.

Marui blinked. "Wait, it's our child now?"

Niou gasped, pressing a hand to his chest in mock shock. "Of course. Don't you try to get out of your responsibilities for little Akaya-Two!"

"I thought we were going to name it after my mother!" Marui huffed, hands on his hips.

Sanada just rolled his eyes and went back to his cookies. Just keep to your own business for another twenty minutes, he told himself. Then there will be the opportunity for laps.

3rd-Feb-2005 01:49 am (UTC)
...Cookie-Beast? XD *DEAD*

Oh, god. I would copy and paste my favorite lines from this fic, but... I'd end up copying the whole entire thing. XDXD
3rd-Feb-2005 02:49 am (UTC)
Cookie-Beast. The kinda-sorta-second-bastard-cousin to Cookie Monster.

♥ Sankoo. Glad you liked. <3333
3rd-Feb-2005 02:06 am (UTC)
Awww xDD. That was so cute. And funny. And awww. You win :3.
3rd-Feb-2005 02:51 am (UTC)
Yay! What do I win? Cancun trip? New car? Intergalactic spaceship?

<33333 And I'm glad you liked.
3rd-Feb-2005 02:11 am (UTC)
(*@#&$)(@&#($)&#@( *FWIBBLE* Wow. I love you. THE CRACK! It is killing me! XD Thank you.
3rd-Feb-2005 02:54 am (UTC)
You're quite welcome. ♥ I live to write crack.
3rd-Feb-2005 02:18 am (UTC)
This was GOOD. I laughed all the way through it - though I wonder about Marui descrating food. ^_^ Still a lot of fun, and I DIED over the Aka-chan thing.
3rd-Feb-2005 02:58 am (UTC)
Well, to make up for his past sins, I'm sure that Marui will be a doting parent to Akaya-Two (and won't try to take a bite out of him that often at all!).

♥ Thanks; I'm glad you liked it.
3rd-Feb-2005 03:30 am (UTC)
Oh, cooking class! ::dies:: There were a thousand little things that I loved about this, but I think Sanada and his dorkiness make for one of the best:

It probably wasn't necessary to carry Yukimura to the nurse's office, but Sanada wasn't one to take chances.
3rd-Feb-2005 03:38 am (UTC)
♥ Glad you liked. dork!Sanada is always fun to write, especially when he's dork-ing over Yukimura.
3rd-Feb-2005 03:30 am (UTC)
*dies* That was great. Thanks for cheering me up. *snugs*
3rd-Feb-2005 03:41 am (UTC)
*cuddles* You're welcome. <33333 I hope you're feeling better.
3rd-Feb-2005 03:46 am (UTC)
LOL! The mutant...cookie-thing reminded me of Flubber. XD

Man I love Sanada torture so...*sighs*
3rd-Feb-2005 04:06 am (UTC)
I've never seen that movie. All's I know about it is that it involves a lump of green goo...though, considering the cooking talent of those who made it, that wouldn't be an altogether inappropriate description.

Torturing Sanada is an honored fangirl pasttime. <333
3rd-Feb-2005 04:16 am (UTC)
I love you. That's all I can formulate in my brain. Everything else melted into cookie dough. D:
3rd-Feb-2005 04:31 am (UTC)
*tries to form cookie dough back into Chaco-brain* D: Come back! I need you to fangirl with! ;_____;
3rd-Feb-2005 05:35 am (UTC)
I think I died, like, five times when reading this. (And I mean that in a totally good way.) So great~ :D
3rd-Feb-2005 01:22 pm (UTC)
I'm always happy to hear that I killed people with my fics. Multiple times. X3 Now I can draft you into my undead army! ♥ And thanks. <333
3rd-Feb-2005 06:00 am (UTC)
*cries with laughter*

3rd-Feb-2005 01:24 pm (UTC)
♥ I give 'oo wub back. <3333 Glad you liked!
3rd-Feb-2005 06:24 am (UTC)
I can't stop cracking up at this, it was so great. If only I had my own little pet Akaya-Two.
3rd-Feb-2005 01:27 pm (UTC)
I bet that if you searched on eBay for a bit you could find one. I got mine for $10 and a bottlecap.
3rd-Feb-2005 10:25 am (UTC)
May that sick crack-y mind of yours never be damaged by living food creations. <3

(Somehow I'm having issues eating my breakfast now. X3~ *snuggles*)
3rd-Feb-2005 01:29 pm (UTC)
Aww, thank you. ♥ That's one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me! ;____;

(I could spoon-feed it to you. :3 *waggles eyebrows*)
3rd-Feb-2005 02:21 pm (UTC)
That was some beautiful crack!!! *claps like a monkey*
3rd-Feb-2005 08:51 pm (UTC)
Merci beaucoup. ♥ *tosses you a banana*
4th-Feb-2005 01:58 am (UTC)
OMG teh cute~! *is muchly amused* fluff! -^^- <3
4th-Feb-2005 02:21 am (UTC)
♥ Glad you liked. Fluff r fun to write. <333
6th-Feb-2005 09:50 pm (UTC)
This is just gorgeous *flails madly still giggling* Sanada just twitching... back to the two behind him, DETERMINED not to turn around and take a look because it'd probably give him a mini heart attack.... Yuki being a complete klutz in a kitchen and Sanada appointing himself on bodyguard duty... the mutant cookie monster... WAH! *hearts you so much* ^^
7th-Feb-2005 03:29 am (UTC)
Thanks. <333 Whether Yuki is actually a klutz in the kitchen is up for interpretation... >3
17th-Mar-2005 10:13 pm (UTC)
Lovely, the things Sanada goes through.... :D
18th-Mar-2005 07:49 pm (UTC)
Understandably, tormenting Sanada is a hobby of the Rikkai team. I think it's because of the slapping and tarundoru-ing--or maybe the slapping and tarundoru-ing started because of it...ah, the mysteries of life.
24th-Aug-2005 09:45 am (UTC)
♥ Ahh, my brain feels so much better when filled with Rikkaidai crack~ Perfect cure for badfic and this evil paper. ♥♥♥ You write crack like none other, everyone else's crack is inferior! ^_^

I wonder what Yagyuu and Yanagi were doing, maybe plotting evil!scientist things in the back?

And it's totally your fault that I have a in-process fic on my harddrive that involves Sanada stripping.
24th-Aug-2005 04:28 pm (UTC)
Aww, shucks. ♥ Glad you like!

I think they might have evacuated to their lair to concoct another Cookie-Beast to fight against Niou and Marui's. It's a matter of evil scientist pride, you know?

Ooooooh? :3 Do tell! ♥♥♥ And share when you're done.
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